This morning I was watching a little lizard climb up a brown dried up palm leaf. When it was almost to the top, it lost its grip and went tumbling back down. The moment its feet were back under it, its little head flicked from side to side, as if to look and see if anyone had witnessed its fall.
I think I have been doing the same. I am so hesitant to let anyone see that I am struggling. I just have been feeling like hiding. After my breakthrough, I always hear myself boasting at how well I am doing. I use statements like, “Yeah, I have narcolepsy but I totally have it under control.” I realize this is awesome compared to where I used to be, always using it as my excuse. “Well, I can’t do that. I have narcolepsy. Oh I failed at that because I’m narcoleptic.”
But I also think it’s important for me to recognize that I am not in control all the time. The best thing I can do for my health is accept myself where I am right now. I had planned to spend around a month in Vietnam. After two days in Da Nang, I realized I wasn’t resting, I was just sleeping excessively because I was feeling awful. I was constantly evaluating what I was eating and drinking but I didn’t feel as if I was doing anything wrong. I was following my ketogenic diet it just wasn’t working like usual. In hindsight, here were my problems:
- I didn’t find coconut oil. Generally I use copious amounts daily to keep my brain clear. Others prefer MCT oil, I just haven’t gotten around to testing it out yet.
- Skipping breakfast. When I am too tired, I have a tendency to shower and get ready to go out only to crawl back in bed. My body needs fuel in the morning even if its just a lazy version of bulletproof coffee.
- I was miscalculating hidden carbs. In Vietnam “black coffee” wasn’t always sugar free. Coffee with milk generally meant condensed milk which contains a lot of sugar. So those carbs and sugars were building up contributing to my overall crappy feeling.
- I think the hardest to find and biggest contributor was the type of oil used to cook in Vietnam. From what I have read they use mostly corn and vegetable oil, which I know is really hard on me. In addition to gluten, corn is a huge contributor to brain fog for me.
In conclusion, after about a week in Vietnam, I decided to book a flight back to Myanmar where I was feeling my best. I realized it wasn’t worth working the minimum hours before I crash each night only to wake up a hundred times and crawl out of bed at 9 in the morning feeling exhausted.
I should have followed my own travel tips on this one. But I got caught up in the moment. No one is perfect. But a week later I’m back on track and still traveling.