Letting go of the old version of me is necessary before I can move into a new identity. Sometimes the characteristics that used to be serving me, no longer are. When I realize that, I want to move away from those attributes as quickly as possible and I need a clear way to do so. Today I realized I was at that point. I wrote an epitaph for myself and played some melancholy music for my funeral of my former self and decided to step into a new version of myself. This is very fitting for the solstice today.
My description of old self is as follows:
Letting go Mentally
Kayla was always focused on the worst-case scenario. She wanted to be prepared for the worst so she wouldn’t feel let down or disappointed. But because she was looking to protect herself, she couldn’t see the joy and happiness right in front of her. She carried around a heavy load of worry and doubt that she felt was impossible to set down.
She was kind-hearted and wanted to fix everyone around her. It wasn’t in her capacity to see that they weren’t broken, they were just exactly where they were supposed to be. She pushed her ideas onto them and tried to wake them up forcefully, often pushing them away in the process.
Kayla got frustrated when people couldn’t see things the way she does and sometimes acted out in rebellious ways trying to prove her point, but not actually moving any closer to her desired state.
She wasn’t able to experience a lot of the lower vibrational emotions because she had labeled them as bad, and would judge herself so severely if they came up, she would shove them away. It was easy for her to talk to other people about this and help them shift their energy around anger or fear, but when it came to herself, she just didn’t believe she could change.
She accepted every headache or physical ailment as her fate, or else she played the victim. She would blame anyone or anything around her for the state of her physical body rather than take responsibility for it herself.
Kayla had some amazing ideas but almost never acted on them. She was all talk and no action when it came to taking care of her body physically and loving it unconditionally. She might have enjoyed more vitality and health if she had taken her own advice and considered what she would change about her daily routine if she had self-compassion.
She had amazing spiritual gifts, but she was afraid to use them. She didn’t want anyone to think she was strange or too weird and deep down wanted everyone to like her.
Unfortunately, Kayla alienated herself a lot, always believing herself to be different than everyone else. It was impossible for her to accept that the world needed her kind of different.
Letting go means saying Goodbye
So this is the final goodbye to that old version of Kayla. She had made a lot of changes to keep growing as a human here on Earth, but she recognized there was more to change and take on as her new identity. Here are some of the updates on the new version.
This version of Kayla knows that she can handle anything life throws at her in the moment. She doesn’t need to prepare for the worst or cling to an illusion of control. In the moment, she is present and willing to accept whatever comes her way. She may experience judgment but she knows how to address it when it starts to hold her down, and letting go of judgment is becoming easier and easier for her.
She continues to help others, but knows that she has to have compassion for herself first to have the maximum energy to share. Now that she has skills for managing her self-care, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, she serves her people even more powerfully than ever before.
This version of Kayla recognizes that everyone sees the world through their own lens, and one is not better than another, they are just different. She is focused on having the most amazing experience for herself, regardless of what everyone around her is doing. This version of Kayla can see other people, feel their emotions emphatically, but keep her energetic distance from them. She does not take on their stuff for them, or allow herself to match their energy. She is sovereign and brings her own energy to each and every situation.
The new version of Kayla has complete trust in her physical body. She is grateful for all of the things it is doing well, she doesn’t dwell on any small things that might go wrong. It’s important for her to honor her connection to her physical body and stay present inside her vessel even when it is uncomfortable.
She treats her body as a temple, with respect and honor. Most of all she has self-compassion for her own body at all times, and accepts her humanity.
This version of Kayla is accepting her spiritual gifts with open arms. It is integrating the knowledge and vibration she has into her experience.
She is allowing herself to be guided and transformed throughout this process that is not linear and has no clear ending point besides death.