I am consistently hearing people talk about being fuckwithable. Sure, they don’t use that word, but they say things like, “You make me so mad! ” or “This makes me feel sad. or “I know he is just a guy from Tinder, but I still obsess over why he hasn’t texted me in 3 hours!”
In many cases, people are handing over control of their emotions to other human beings. When you say, “you make me feel..” you are giving power to someone else, whether you realize it or not. That means you have the option to take back the control.
In the case of someone not calling us back, we know rationally that the reaction is silly. But maybe we don’t feel in control of changing it. There are so many tiny problems like these in life. Unless we have the tools to deal with them, they can leave us feeling out of control.
When I hear people say things like, “He/she makes me feel…” I want to offer them a tool to change it. Sure, I can offer them help with things like hypnosis, EFT, and other modalities that I use during life coaching. But aside from that, I’ve wanted to be able to tell them something that would immediately help them.
I heard the perfect bit of advice on a podcast, and I’m going to share it with you today. But first, let’s talk about this idea of being unfuckwithable.
Being unfuckwithable means that nobody else can mess with your emotions. You are in control of how you feel.
I am unfuckwithable
I often make the statement, “Nobody else can make me feel anything, ever again.” People find that confusing. They think I’ve lost it or that I’m exaggerating. But it’s true.
Sure, people can do things that I think are stupid, irresponsible, or unreasonable. But I am in control of my reactions to those stimuli now. I choose them. So I often find myself choosing curiosity or gratitude over anger and frustration.
What is the secret to being unfuckwithable?
So I’ll go ahead and share the secret from the podcast with you, even though I still think you should listen to it. It’s five minutes of Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley, and, in my opinion, one of the most innovative thinkers of our time.
Set Self-Fueled Goals
It says that to be unfuckwithable, all you have to do is take a look at your goals and change them to self-fueled goals. That means things that you have complete control over.
Instead of hoping for a promotion, set a goal you can control. Decide to bring positive energy to work, to bring your creativity to the table, or whatever is in alignment with your values.
Stop wishing for a person to bring love into your life. Set your goal to be the one who brings love into the world. Love yourself and everyone around you.
Instead of looking to other people to bring you joy or make you happy, learn to do that for yourself. Then you won’t be disappointed when they do things that you find frustrating or stupid.
Make sure your goals are things that you can control and do not require you to control another person.
That brings me to another essential part of being unfuckwithable, which is to love yourself. Vishen recommends looking yourself in the mirror and telling yourself, “I love you,” every day.
That may sound silly to you, but don’t knock it until you try it. If you have never done it, you may be surprised at the emotions it brings up. Watch your facial expression when you say it, can you look yourself in the eye? Does it make you smile, or does your forehead wrinkle up?
I’m interested in hearing how it goes for you! And if you would like some help making changes in your life to becoming unfuckwithable, fill out the form below to schedule a one on one chat with me.